So... this one might be a little long,,,, longer anyway.

God has been working on some things in my life that I have not been quite sure what to do with until now. God has been using my job with the home group and the Great Commission to take me to a different place with Him. He has been chipping away at this mold that I have made for our relationship, and humbling me to enter into the Holy of Holies - the very presence of God. With that said, here goes what He has shown me thus far. (Micah 6:8)

I am so lacking in myself as a person. Praise God that He isn't finished with me yet! God has been challenging me repeatedly in areas that are just plain weaknesses, and I am failing over and over and over again. I think to myself and cry out to God... " what am I doing wrong?" His answer to me has always been,,, 'you forgot to trust me for these things'.God spoke to me through Janet Rogers last when saying that God will put us in situations where the only way we are going to make it through is by letting Him bring us. We can't rely on our own strength, because no matter how many times we work out a week, we are never going to be able to move a mountain. Essentially, I have been asking God to move mountains in my life, to set me apart, to give me joy unspeakable, and then depend on my own method of obtain what has already been promised if I only obey God, and not re-invent the wheel.

So, last night at women's equipping, we were learning more about making disciples, and God related my situation to the Christian life in a way that I had never thought about it before. Making disciples is a lot like training new employees at work, only we need to add to our number constantly.(God isn't worried about labor. ;D) There are training tools, but really, when it comes down to it, it's just spending time with one another, learning about and with eachother and growing together in a relationship with God. Even when personalities don't quite line up, you excellerate the learning curve just working through them. It may take more time, but what we are saying with our time is that the other person is worth the investment. That we believe in their success in there witness to others as they grow in Christ, and that we care about their growth into the Head.. Jesus. I have to be patient when things don't work out the way that is ideal, when mistakes are made; exersize the grace that has been given to me. Eventually, the goal of equipping saints is that they can do the same things that I am doing, which means, I need to get out of the way, and let them step into something they have a passion for. That may mean doing things a little bit different from what I am used to, but maybe it is a better way. I am all about learning better, more effective ways of doing things.

All of these things are really exciting to me, but take a tremendous amount of energy and effort. We are weak, and have our breaking points when we act in the flesh. God doesn't have a breaking point, and when I abide in Him, He is my strength. My computer I am typing on is not plugged into an outlet, an energy source that is much more abundant than my battery. Eventually the battery will deplete if I keep using it and don't plug it in. If I keep it plugged in, then it will always be charging, and never deplete at all. An interesting thing about computers though. If I leave it plugged in all the time, even when I am not using it, when I unplug it, it will not last as long by itself than if I recharge it, and unplug it once it is charged. I shouldn't 'unplug' to last longer without God, just to depend on our own, weaker strength longer.
I was talking with a close friend of mine last weekend, and she expressed to me her frustration in people not listening to hear. I listened, and smiled on the inside knowing very well the personality of this friend. I shared with her that I have a similar struggle, but not with other people, but with keeping my own mouth shut. Something that God has taught me through His Word and friends is that I should listen at least 5 times as much as I speak. How will I know if and what to say if I am not listening to this situation, and placing myself in that situation. When people are hurting, they just want someone to listen to them. My experiences are irrelevent, because the same situation is expressed differently in different people, and I am not them. This is their experience, their emotions, not mine. If I am distracted by my own thoughts, I am insulting the speaker, and don't value what they have to say. I have found that when we speak less often, others are more likely to listen.
It's kind of like a close friend you re-connect with. At first, it is fun and exciting, you can't wait to hear from them again. Then you start to e-mail personal e-mails. Then, they get shorter and shorter, or saying the same thing over and over again. Then, all you get are forwards of the latest quizes or emotional statements, or cliche poetry. Are you going do be excited when you see e-mails from that person in you inbox anymore? For me, no way. I probably won't read it. And what if, one day, it is this incredible e-mail, I have deleted it, because I no longer have value to what this person has to say. Silence is not a bad thing! Especially when there isn't much to say.

So these things have been on my heart. I pray that it isn't discouraging.

One question though. Does anyone ever get nauseus when they fast? Why is that? It happened to me for the first time, and I'm super curious.